


My Confidante

by SonjaJade



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Best Friends, Confidence, F/F, First Kiss, Gen, Mild Hurt/Comfort, One-Sided Attraction, Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-24
Updated: 2019-11-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 16:01:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21540916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SonjaJade/pseuds/SonjaJade
Summary: As Jester and Beau keep watch over the others while they sleep, Beau encourages Jester to get some of her feelings off her chest. In the process, Beau lets some her own secrets out. (Takes place as a canon divergence during episode 85)
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 2
Kudos: 33
Collections: Critmas Exchange 2019





	My Confidante

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mocrow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mocrow/gifts).



> Many thanks to my beta [Bay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bay/pseuds/Bay)

Another adventure, another night of taking turns keeping watch over the Mighty Nein. Thankfully, those who are sleeping are warm and dry inside Caleb’s dome. Jester and Beau however…

“Fuckin’ rain,” Beau grumbles, pulling Caleb’s borrowed cloak tighter around her. “If it wasn’t raining, it wouldn’t feel so fuckin’ cold out here.”

She turns toward Jester, who hasn’t commented on the weather or said much at all as of late. The hood of her cloak hides her face and she’s still. On past watches, she’d swing her feet and talk almost the entire time, about everything. Beau frowns.

“Hey. You okay?”

Jester nods. “Yeah!” 

The monk swears she hears her tiefling friend try to hide a sniffle among the sound of the rain pittering off their cloaks. When Jester faces her, she’s smiling- but Beau knows she’s faking it. 

“You’re awful quiet. What’s up?” Beau asks, eyeing her carefully.

Jester’s smile fades. “I miss Yasha. I worry that she's cold and wet too, or that Obann isn’t feeding her… What if he’s messing with her memories or something? What if we get her back and she never remembers us?”

While Beau doesn’t think that’s what’s really bothering her, she goes along with it for now. “I dunno, Yasha’s pretty strong mentally, too. And I’m sure even a monster like Obann knows you can’t let a barbarian go hungry. He needs her to be strong and healthy, y’know? Make her eat her vegetables and shit. You ever been hangry?”

That gets a real laugh out of her teammate. “Yes! One time I was out with my mumma because she had to get fitted for some new outfits and stuff, and we were gone for a really long time. So I tried to eat these wax fruits that were sitting out, like a decoration, you know? And I threw a big tantrum and my mumma made the tailor’s assistant go out and buy some real fruit!”

Beau grins at her. “Now imagine Yasha being hangry!”

She’d never say so, but Beau loves it when Jester gasps and doubles over in laughter, choking out different imagined ruinations Yasha would bring down on Obann in between her giggles.

Once they quiet down, Beau nudges Jester. “I know there’s more on your mind than that.” The silence that stretches out for a few breaths only confirms it. “Y’know, I told Nott that it would do her some good to confide in someone. Just to,” she pauses, thinking of how to word her thoughts. “Just to have someone to trust- not just with your physical body and your life, but the things that keep your brain workin’ overtime at night, the shit that festers in your heart and doesn’t have anywhere to go.” Her hand reaches out and lands on Jester’s shoulder. “Maybe you need someone you can confide in, too.”

Jester raises her head, looking Beau in the eye. “You got Nott to tell you stuff?”

Sighing, Beau pulls her arm back into the shelter of the cloak. “I promised not to say a word. Let’s just say I know some very juicy things about that half-goblin.” Scanning the perimeter to be sure they’re still alone in the rain, she murmurs, “I wouldn’t share anything you tell me either.”

Jester seems to think about Beau’s offer as the wind blows the rain directly into their faces a moment before changing directions. 

Quietly, Jester lets her inner thoughts flow out. She talks about how sad she is about the circumstances surrounding her mother and father, about her guilt at not revealing to her mother that she's found her father, and that he misses her dearly. In light of her parents’ relationship, she says she fears falling in love though being desperately curious. She’s worried that there’s nothing truly beautiful in this world after all, considering all the shit they’ve been through.

When she’s done talking, Beau reaches for her hand and squeezes it. “There’s still good in this world. Right now, it’s like walking through the aftermath of a volcano erupting, except it’s spewing out turds and rocks and we just keep standing in the wrong place at the wrong time. But it’s like you didn’t even know shit volcanoes existed, because you were kinda sheltered as a kid. You didn’t get out much from Nicodranus and it showed when we first met.”

Beau watches her fidget for a moment, then she mumbles, “Have you ever liked guys?”

That catches her off guard. “Whaddya mean?”

“Like, I know you like girls, but have you ever _been_ with a guy before?” 

Beau snorts. “I’ve dabbled. Just not my thing, though. Why? You need some pointers?”

Jester hides her face and groans for a moment. “I dunno!”

Beau almost holds her breath. “Are you saying you like girls?”

“I dunno!” She throws her head back and the soaked hood of her cloak slaps against her back. She begins to rant in a panic, “I think girls can be pretty and I think boys can be handsome but they can both be charming and sometimes I get nervous thinking about what people _do_ when they’re in love, and I haven’t even _kissed_ anyone before! And what if I’m so bad at it that no one _ever_ wants-”

Beau’s hand touches her chin to turn her head, gently shushing her with a soft kiss. Usually, Beau wouldn’t take the time to be tender. Her past lovers know she likes it rough and she doesn’t make apologies for it. But this kiss with Jester is tame, an introduction to a world her friend wants to explore but has no map for.

Slowly, she moves her lips against Jester’s, teaching her how to do sweet caresses and pecks and quiet smooches. When Jester pulls back panting, Beau smiles at her.

“Does that help answer anything?” Beau asks as she resists the urge to lick her lips and savor Jester’s taste.

Jester’s fingers touch her own lips, as if she can’t believe what's just happened. She looks dazed, and Beau wonders if maybe she’s made a mistake as she tugs the soaked cloak back over her friend’s horns.

“That was pretty good,” she whispers. Then her eyes widen. “Was I okay?” she nearly shouts.

Beau closes her eyes and nods. “You did just fine.”

“Oh, thank god!” the tiefling exclaims with a huff, her hand on her chest in relief at her performance. 

Beau chuckles. “You feel a little better?”

This time when Jester smiles at her, it lights up her whole face, just like her old self again. “Yeah, Beau. Thank you.”

The monk shivers as the wind shifts again and blows rain into their faces once more. “I think it’s about time for someone else to take over out here.”

Jester reaches out and grabs her wrist. “Wait, don’t you still need to confide in me? Like a secret for a secret kinda thing?”

Beau leans forward and kisses her again, less gentle than before, but this time cradling Jester’s cheek and lingering for a moment. Then she slides off the rock they’ve been perched on and winks. 

“I just did.”

Beau wakes Fjord and Caduceus for their shift and beds down in the giant warm spot their flashy firbolg leaves behind. For the first time in a while, she finds sleep quickly and has peaceful dreams.

In the morning, when she finds Jester asleep and drooling on her arm, she thinks her dreams may come true.

“Aww,” she hears Nott coo before taking a drink from her flask.

Beau flips her middle finger at her and hisses, “Not a word!” She makes the sign of a “C” with her hand- a reminder that Nott swore to keep her secret safe in an on-the-spot Chaos Crew pact.

“Of course!” She returns the gesture with her knobby green fingers before she stands and stretches. “But that blush on your face was worth it!” With that, she leaves the dome and Beau grins to herself.

“Totally worth it,” she mumbles, lying back and closing her eyes once more.


End file.
